Hard to Love
by HepburnJunkie22
Summary: Sequel to my other story That Way Again and for this you will need to read the first installment, otherwise it will not make sense...


**_Ok guys, I'm actually really excited because the first part of this story was done on a whim, and i never really thought more about it. but lately I've been thinking more and more about how I would like to continue with these two...so here it is and I hope you enjoy! :) _**

**_PS: The only characters i claims are the children...everyone else I'm just playing with ;)_**

* * *

Sharon slammed the front door, letting out all her frustration from the afternoon on the poor, unsuspecting wooden frame. As she leant her forehead against the hard surface and counted to ten, advice given to her by the counselor, she contemplated the session she had just left. She didn't know why she let him get to her in this way, why she let him bait her and goad her until she felt like exploding. She threw her keys violently into the bowl on the entry table, her briefcase landing on the floor with a muted _plop_.

"Door giving you a hard time again?"

The older woman started the count all over again as the voice of her eldest daughter reached her ears. When she felt it was safe for her to turn around, at least without bodily harm, Sharon faced her daughter. Chloe Flynn, currently at the age of nineteen looked almost exactly like her mother, down to the petite frame and auburn hair Sharon had possessed in her youth. Although that is where all the similarities ended, her brown eyes were a lighter shade than Andy's but conveyed the same range of emotion; the smirk she currently wore as well as her sarcastic tone of voice were all here father.

Sharon sighed heavily as she padded past the child, kicking off her heels as she went.

"Chloe," she warned, "I'm in no mood."

The younger woman snorted as she followed her mother, down the hallway and through the doors into the kitchen. Perching carefully on the edge of the counter, she watched her mother intently as the older woman swung the refrigerator door open and wrenched a water bottle from the door, letting it snap shut once again. Something about the way her mother's shoulders were set told the younger woman not to push, she seemed on edge.

Twisting the cap off the plastic bottle violently, Sharon took a long draught and let the cool water calm her frayed nerves. Passing the bottle over her forehead and releasing the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, the older woman leant against the counter. Everything had started out so well in the session today, they were actually glad to see one another and they were agreeable for the first hour. But the deeper they delved, the more resentment and hurt was dug up…from where she wasn't quite sure,

She was brought back to the present as a gentle hand touched her arm. It never ceased to amaze Sharon just how much like her father Chloe was; she could sense a change in her mother's mood right away and even knew how to comfort her. The younger brunette gave her a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes as her thumb grazed Sharon's elbow.

"Rough session?"

Unlike her sister, Chloe had been a little more forgiving towards her mother. She new that her parents weren't perfect and that their relationship needed help, but she also knew that they loved each other deeply and some how she believed that was enough. And was willing to listen as her parents explained that this was not a divorce or a separation, just a break that they both needed to find themselves.

Avery on the other hand had not been so lenient with the new situation that the family found themselves in. In fact she hadn't said more than a few words since her mother asked her dad to give her space one month ago.

"Has she come out of her room at all?" the older woman questioned.

Chloe shrugged, "She came out for cereal around noon, but I haven't heard a peep from her since."

Sharon raised her head towards the ceiling with eyes closed, wishing she knew how to comfort or even explain to her youngest child what was going on. Avery looked like Sharon as well, she was a little taller than her sister and her hair was rich chocolate color, but her eyes were always what caught peoples' attention due to their bright hazel color. When she was angry they would become greener and when she was content they would become a softer color closer to brown. Where Chloe was quick to anger and yell, like Andy, Avery was more reserved and willing to brood, like Sharon. It was that exact trait that her mother was having the hardest time with.

Sharon could handle the screaming and blame if only that was what she encountered, but with her youngest it was a well practiced look of disinterest…maybe even a little resentment when she caught the eyes of her mother.

* * *

_One month ago…_

_ Its not like she wanted to do this, actually this is exactly what she didn't want to do, but her therapist had made a very valid point. What if this was what they needed to save their marriage? What if this was what needed to happen? Hoping she was doing the right thing she had squared her shoulders as she passed through the doorway to the kitchen. _

_ She felt her breath catch in her throat as she laid eyes on her husband. Andy was wearing a lightweight grey long sleeved shirt with a pair of dark was jeans, and his feet were bare. He seemed to be lost in thought, which happened a lot since her confession about needing him here in the present with her, They would be married for twenty-four years in August and she couldn't imagine anyone else she'd rather spend the rest of her life with, but she couldn't help but feel she was about to do something horrible._

_ She drew her black hoodie tighter around herself, sliding her hand across the back of her neck to gather her hair in a loose ponytail. Taking one last inhale, she strode across the barrier to the kitchen, her bare feet prodding silently on the tile floor. He looked up at her as she came to a stop in front of him; a shy and hesitant smile adorned his lips._

_ His voice was soft as he spoke, "Hey babe."_

_ Her resolve melted a fraction at the beloved pet name._

_ "Hi," suddenly her shoes became fascinating, "can we talk?"_

_ He seemed hesitant, later she would ruminate and wonder if he had known what was coming, as if he had some six sense. Which when it came to her he did…he knew every nuance and idiosyncrasy of her character, even some she hadn't quite come to realize yet. He visibly deflate a bit in her gaze, those were the dreaded words on spouse never wished to here from another._

_ Andy silently nodded his head, gesturing her to precede him through the back door and out on to the patio. Sharon had planned this accordingly; neither of the girls would be home for a few hours yet, she wanted to talk to him uninterrupted. They sank to the deck, legs hanging over the edge, surveying the backyard they each loved so much. The rolling green grass and blooming bunches of flowers overflowing from the planter boxes was typical for early spring. _

_ Sharon's feet ached to touch the soft grass, twitching as they moved slightly in tandem with those of the man beside her. She felt goose bumps rush up her bare legs to the hem of her shorts as the wind picked up, causing her to shiver slightly. Andy slung his arm around her shoulders and drew her closer into his side, chasing away the chill on her thighs with his warm hands._

_ Looking straight ahead, he drew in a deep breath and asked the question that had been on his mind._

_ "Do you want me to leave?"_

_ Sharon looked up from her position at his side shocked, but that didn't draw his attention from the scenery. She could feel his heart begin to race and his breathing became ragged as he awaited her response. When none was forth coming, he continued morosely._

_ "Because I will if that's what you want sweetheart, just say the word."_

_ She felt tears prick at the corner of her eyes, her face scrunching to keep her self from crying and failing horribly._

_ "No of course that's not what I want," her voice was husky with emotion "but I think that maybe it could help us." _

_ His hold on her never faltered but she could feel the change in him immediately, tense and ready to flee. Then he was silent for what seemed like a lifetime, nothing but the sound of the wind rustling through the leaves could be heard. Sharon looked at Andy intently, willing him to look at her, to see what she was trying to say in her eyes, they were always so much more telling. He stared straight ahead; there was no way he could meet her eyes, not with so many raw emotions floating around inside of him._

_ "Talk to me," she begged, tears heavy in her eyes and voice._

_ Finally he looked down at her, her liquid green eyes staring at him from the jungle of auburn curls he loved so much. Her lip started to quiver and even though he felt as if his insides had just been ripped out of him, he sought to reassure her. He slowly bent forward and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, his lips lingering for a few seconds. She started to sob and he began speaking, his breath fanning across her forehead._

_ "You need to be sure about this Sharon," he inhaled shakily, "because there's no going back…once you say it, it can't be undone."_

_ She waited a few beats and then forged ahead, kissing the underside of his jaw lightly._

_ "Don't we owe it to ourselves…our marriage…our love to give it a try?"_

* * *

_They had agreed to tell the children, together, when they arrived home. It felt only natural to do this way, like they had done so many other things. He was so complacent...maybe resigned was the better word now that she thought about it._

_ Needless to say it had gone less than stellar…at dinner Sharon had told the girls gently that they needed to have a family meeting as soon as they were finished. The girls looked at each other with wide eyes, it had been a while since the last family meeting, and this had to be serious._

_ At first Sharon had though that they'd taken it extremely well. She watched their faces as she sat on the coffee table in front of them, Andy stationed directly behind her. His face was a mask of concern, watching them as closely as she was. _

_ Chloe looked at them both directly, first one and then the other, her brown eyes large in her now pale face…not quite knowing what to say. Avery stared at her hands clasped tightly in her lap, carefully controlling the tempo of her breathing. Sharon looked over her shoulder at Andy, her face awash with lines of worry. He sprung into action and not having to think about it, carefully navigated around the coffee table to sit next to his wife. _

_ He touched Chloe's hair softly, smoothing the fly away hairs that were escaping her messy French braid. He then reached his hand across Sharon's lap placing it firmly on that of his youngest daughter, encouraging her to loosen her grip._

_ "Its ok," he drawled softly, "your mother and I just need time."_

_ His first born eyed him wearily, "Its not permanent?"_

_ He could see Sharon out of the corner of his eye shake her head absently in the negative. He had to swallow past the lump in his throat, tamp down the flare of hope he felt._

_ "No baby, its not." This time it was the older brunette that answered quietly._

_ Avery had yet to lift her head, to even acknowledge the topic of conversation. Their older daughter seemed to contemplate them each carefully, assessing their faces for their level of sincerity, hoping they were telling the truth. _

_ "Ok.' Chloe whispered._

_ Avery's head snapped up, pinning her sister with a glare of distain and then she turned it toward her parents. She smoothly but forcefully extracted her father's hand from on top of her own, the disgust written all over her face. She stood from the couch quickly, slightly bumping her mother's tucked legs as she walked toward the hallway. As she slipped around the corner, Sharon noticed her hand deftly pull out her iPod and headphones._

_ The older woman made to go after her daughter but a gentle hand on her forearm held her back. She turned to come face to face with Andy, his sad brown eyes offering a warning and pleading with her at the same time._

_ "Let her cool off," he reasoned, "you can try in the morning."_

_ Sharon nodded her head in acceptance, watching silently as her eldest daughter excused her self from the living room, following her sister down the hall at a slightly slower pace. _

* * *

Present

Her heart was breaking, all she wanted to do was gather her babies and hug them. She wanted to offer them comfort like she had always done…kiss their skinned knees and fight the monsters that always seemed to inhabit either under the bed or the closet. She want to assure them everything would be ok, but how could she do that when she wasn't even sure her self?

If the way today's session ended was anything to go by, then Sharon had no idea where her and Andy stood as a couple. They had been slowly delving into things, deeper and deeper into memories that neither really wanted to visit. The psychiatrist was a very sweet, young woman in her late thirties with bouncy blonde ringlets…reminiscent of a certain Chief they both knew well.

Up until today they had been working on bettering themselves as individuals, and in order to complete that they would need to share some things with one another. They faced some of their rockiest moments as a couple, looked them over and deciphered them.

They spoke of Andy's addiction and how he done such a wonderful job over the years, but that it would always be a slippery slope. He admitted, albeit sheepishly, to his wife that there had been a few times over the years when the call for the bottle had almost…almost won out.

She sat on the comfortable couch listening to him talk intently. She had never known that or even suspected that things had made him feel that severe; Sharon wasn't naïve and knew being married to a recovering alcoholic meant that he would constantly have to battle that urge. The fact that he felt ashamed, even after all these years, to have those sort of thoughts every so often made her feel sad. She wondered if she had been too critical of him, maybe had been two overbearing?

But as soon as she voiced that concern he shot it down, she wasn't to blame he just didn't want to disappoint her or the girls. They were his world and he would never do anything to jeopardize that, even if it meant internalizing his pain and regret.

It all began to fall apart when the psychiatrist, Doctor Barrett, asked if Sharon was ready to share her thoughts as well….

* * *

_Earlier that afternoon…_

_ She swallowed audibly as she looked from her psychiatrist to her husband, both waiting patiently for her to start. Andy reached over to place his hand comfortingly on her knee, silently giving her strength to proceed. She wasn't so sure that she deserved that much compassion from him._

_ "Go ahead Sharon," Doctor Barrett encouraged._

_ She cleared her throat nervously, "Yes, well…" she glanced at Andy one more time._

_ "A few months ago," she began, "I agreed to have coffee with an old friend."_

_ She paused to decide how to word the next part of her story._

_ "You remember David, don't you?"_

_ A light seemed to go on in Andy's head as he numbly shook his head yes; he knew exactly who David was. David Grant was tall and well built with piercing blue eyes and he never failed to turn heads. He had gone to law school with Sharon and they had been close friends since. It had never bothered him until now, but he could tell by the way his wife twisted her tissue that there was more to the story._

_ Sharon could feel his eyes boring into her, not in any way accusatory but obviously curious. _

_ "We talked about the girls and my work…then we strayed into more fragile territory," she elaborated._

_ It was at this point that the therapist intervened, waiting for the connection of Andy's eyes. With her melodic voice calm and even she tried to appeal to Andy's sense of logic._

_ "Sharon is really putting herself out there Andy, what she's about to tell you maybe hard to hear at first but you must be receptive."_

_ The brunette in question darted her eyes toward her husband, begging him to understand, not to be upset with what she was about to say._

_ "I needed someone to talk to and he seemed willing to listen." Sharon cleared her throat and her voice broke as she uttered the next confession._

_ "Toward the end of our conversation we had become immensely comfortable with each other again and he asked if he could see me again some time."_

_ Her husband cocked his head to the side, signaling for her to continue, his gaze intense._

_ "But I knew…"the tears began to fall, "I knew that he didn't mean in a platonic way…the way he looked at me said it all."_

_ Andy's face went pale and blank for a moment and he then looked towards Doctor Barrett for help, reminiscent of a drowning man searching for the life preserver. The doctor glanced briefly between her clients before she settled on the woman once again._

_ "Go on Sharon," the therapist intoned softly_

_ Her tears were free flowing at this point as she tried to dry them with the now torn tissue. She raised her eyes skyward, almost as if asking for help or something to give her strength._

_ "And for a moment, a few minutes at least, I entertained that exact thought."_

_ Then before he could respond she poured forth everything she had been holding back. How unhappy she had been and how David's friendship had helped her, it had seemed to be one of the bright sides in the last month. It was something she desperately missed, having someone understand her for the most part. She was desperate for someone to love her and talk to her again. Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand she continued on._

_ "So yes, I did entertain the thought of an affair…but it was nothing more than that just that, a fleeting thought."_

_ When she felt composed enough to look at her husband, she noticed his head was downcast and fingers tensed tightly in the legs of his work slacks. She reached out to softly cup his cheek, but was surprised when he pulled, almost violently, out of her reach. Then and only then did he raise his eyes to meet hers; they darkened slightly, in pain or anger Sharon wasn't certain._

_ Suddenly he was up from the couch, striding purposely for the door as a way to escape the harsh reality. He was half way there when Sharon finally reacted, jumping to her feet as well, but it was the therapist's voice that sounded first._

_ "Andy," she hedged cautiously, "please come back and sit, you need to talk and be heard."_

_ Without missing a beat he turned on his heel, turning to both women, his face a mask of hurt. Then just as quickly it hardened into one of anger and if it were possible he would have burned a hole straight through the woman._

_ "Obviously it wasn't that fleeting Sharon," he said his glare directed at his wife. _

_ "I mean…that shouldn't even be a thought…it shouldn't even be welcome in your head!"_

_ "Andy please!" she implored, her hands reaching for him once again._

_ He threw up his hands effectively warding off her unwanted touch as he began to pace back and forth across the well-worn rug. Sharon and Doctor Barrett eyed him warily, not aware of what he was thinking or how to assuage his heartbreak._

_ "I need to go," he finally decided, once again heading for the exit._

_ Sharon jumped at her chance, "This is exactly what I mean!"_

_ The man stopped cold, his had clutching the doorknob, debating whether or not to turn just that fraction…_

_ In the end he decided against it. He slowly turned to face his wife, narrowing his eyes slightly offering no solace and waiting for her to elaborate._

_ "I need you here with me, not running from the hard things or delving into work." Sharon's hand were lying widly through the air in front of her._

_ "Here. With. Me." She said tapping her chest just above her heart for emphasis._

_ He stared at her long and hard, for what seemed to be hours but in all reality were only minutes. Then a mirthless chuckle left his lips, going straight to Sharon's heart. It was then she knew he would cease to be civil._

_ "You need me here with you?" he questioned._

_ Even though she knew there was no need to answer, Sharon nodded slightly anyway. He laughed bitterly again._

_ "You've already replaced me Sharon, why on earth would you need me when you have David?"_

_ "Andy I told you that it was only…"_

_ He interrupted her, "Yeah fleeting I know, but the fact that you even thought about it disgusts me."_

_ She looked down toward her shoes knowing all too well that she deserved what he was going to dish out. He shook his head again, frustrated._

_ "Just remember this Sharon, __**you**__ were the one that asked __**me**__ to leave and I relented because it's what you wanted." _

_ She looked at him with watery eyes once again._

_ "Maybe it's you who needs to look back and assess what this break means to you," he paused as if weighing his next words._

_ "When you know what you want, come find me."_

_ She looked at him stunned and then towards the therapist for help. When Doctor Barrett made to open her mouth Andy interrupted once again._

_ "No, this session is done. I'm not willing to listen to her anymore today, let alone be in that same room with __**her**__."_

_ And with that he turned the knob and slipped through the door, leaving it to close softly behind him._

* * *

Present…

She shook her head as she remembered every emotion that had washed over his face earlier, and her heart broke all over again.

Chloe was still waiting patiently for Sharon to talk to her; she could see how much it had obviously affected her mother. The way her forehead creased as if it was in pain, or the residual puffiness and redness around her eyes.

Sharon closed her eyes as she tilted her head back and inhaled, willing her self to keep it together just long enough to find her self safely in her own bedroom. There she would cry out all her frustration and sadness into her pillow, maybe wrapped up in Andy's old academy sweatshirt.

She opened her eyes slowly to find Chloe still clutching at her hand, eyes wide and slightly worried. Sharon brushed her daughter's hair away from her face gently, lingering on her forehead to smooth away the creases of worry.

"I'll admit," she started, "it was a little rough, but we will be ok, your dad is just a little upset."

Chloe held her mother's hand against her cheek, drawing strength from the comforting touch. She tried to blink back the tears, but felt her mom wipe them way instead.

"Ok." She whispered brokenly.

Sharon pulled her forward to place a tender kiss on the girl's brow, her breath whispering across soft skin.

"We will be ok…I promise."

Their eyes locked, moist brown to those of shining green, an understanding passing between them. Those words said with so much conviction…Chloe almost believed her. The younger of the two pulled away slightly, squeezing her mother's hand once more before turning to walk out of the kitchen.

It wasn't until she heard the telltale click of her daughter's bedroom door that she let the tears cascade, kissing her cheek bones on the way down. She had made a mess of things and to be quite honest, had no idea how to fix them.


End file.
